Argus Hamilton

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© Copyright 2012

Sunday, February 26, 2012 

Argus Hamilton

BEVERLY HILLS--God bless America, and how's everybody?

The Academy Awards Show will be held in Hollywood Sunday amid slumping movie ticket sales this year. The X-box is cutting deeply into movie-going. Last week Sony Playstation outsold all movies with the release of its hot new video game Grand Theft Gasoline.

President Obama ripped Republicans Thursday for always wanting to drill for more oil to solve our energy needs. Hey, it's our planet. When Dick Cheney's daughter told him she was a lesbian, he told her he didn't mind as long as she always drives a gas-guzzler.

Christie's will auction a menu from the Titanic on the one hundredth anniversary of its ill-fated voyage in April. It has great practical value. A menu from the Titanic is a great reminder of how dangerous it is to go swimming less than an hour after you've eaten.

President Obama broke ground for the construction of the African-American History Museum on the Mall. It won't ignore the shameful history of slave labor. A photograph of the Mexican construction crew who build the museum will be hung in the front hallway.

President Obama hosted a blues tribute concert in the White House Tuesday where he got to sing onstage with Mick Jagger. The president was thrilled at the chance. He spends so much time running against old white guys, he never thought he'd sing with one.

The Republican presidential candidates Mitt Romney, Ron Paul, Rick Santorum and Newt Gingrich debated for the twentieth time on TV Wednesday in Arizona. There's no doubt in anyone's mind who won. It was their last debate, so the American people won.

Mitt Romney looked good winning the GOP debate in Arizona Wednesday. He's tired of hiding his wealth. Mitt wore a four thousand dollar Brioni suit, a six thousand dollar Rolex watch, and the oil in his hair ended the day at one hundred and six dollars per barrel.

Indiana lawmaker Rob Morris opposed a Girl Scouts citation Tuesday. He called the Girl Scouts a radical organization that supports homosexuality and abortion. The next day, Rick Santorum called him up and offered him two hundred dollars for the joke.

Rick Santorum was shown Tuesday telling Catholic school girls that Satan is targeting the United States of America. It didn't stop his political momentum. The next day, the Los Angeles teachers union elected him Most Likely to Become a Codefendant.

The L.A. School District agreed Friday to report all teacher-student sexual misconduct cases to a credentials board. Enough is enough. L.A. is the only district in America where if a student and teacher argue in class they're required to stay after school for make-up sex.

Whitney Houston's house in New Jersey was put on sale for a million five Friday. The asking price includes an element of mystery. They want half a million for the house, half a million for the land and half a million for the vacuum cleaner bag in the maid's closet.

National Geographic said the Aryan Nations was teaching black gangs in prison how to cook crystal meth. All it takes is baking soda, Sudafed and fire. Martha Stewart got out of prison after one year and that's the last you ever heard about her cash-flow problem.

Lindsay Lohan was praised by her Beverly Hills judge on her progress Thursday. She has worked for the county morgue, posed for Playboy and she'll host Saturday Night Live. Death, sex and comedy is what it takes to get your driver's license back in Los Angeles.

© Copyright 2012 Argus Hamilton. All Rights Reserved.

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How the First Amendment Came to Protect Topless Dancing: A Citizen's Guide to the Incorporation Doctrine. By Susan Shelley. Kindle Edition.

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