HOLLYWOOD--God bless America, and how's everybody?

President Bush addressed the country Sunday between the second and third NFL games of the day. He waited too long. After six hours of football, most fans had drunk enough beer to wonder why Terry Bradshaw needed eighty-seven billion dollars.

The National Football League season began Sunday after an opening gala in Washington D.C. Thursday. President Bush never misses a snap. It's gotten to where caterers in Muslim countries will only schedule outdoor weddings during Dallas Cowboy games.

The Baltimore Sun said Monday al-Qaeda suspects at Guantanamo are confessing when given McDonald's Happy Meals and Twinkies. Forget bamboo slits under fingernails and Chinese water torture. No prisoner can withstand the American Way of Life.

President Bush stated Sunday he will ask Congress for $87 billion to rebuild Iraq. Politics is so competitive. President Bush is just trying to prove he can take in more in one weekend than all of Arnold Schwarzenegger's movies put together.

President Bush mentioned no weapons of mass destruction or Saddam ties to al-Qaeda. The new reason to be in Iraq is the war on terrorism. Republicans don't know a way out of this morass and Democrats don't know if morass is one word or two.

Teddy Kennedy vowed to hold up President Bush's $87 billion request unless he reveals his Iraq strategy. Hold on for dear life. This road is dangerous enough without taking the car keys away from President Bush and handing them to Ted Kennedy.

President Bush announced Sunday he will ask for international aid to rebuild Iraq's economy. His reconstruction of the Baghdad business district is proceeding nicely. In four months, he has put one hundred thirty thousand Targets on the street.

Senator Hillary Clinton announced on Monday she will block the confirmation of Mike Leavitt to be the head of the Environmental Protection Agency. She has her reasons. After all, he's the governor of Utah and she's married to a polygamist.

Don Rumsfeld told reporters on the plane ride back from Iraq Sunday that criticism of President Bush is harmful to the War on Terrorism. It's a seasonal thing for Republicans. The Nixon masks always come out whenever it gets close to Halloween.

The Democratic candidates debated in Baltimore Tuesday sponsored by Fox News Channel and the Congressional Black Caucus. It was historic. No one thought that federal desegregation orders would someday reach all the way up to Fox News Channel.

Cruz Bustamante told a Fresno crowd that Arnold Schwarzenegger wants to take driver's licenses away from immigrants who fought and died for this country. It's only right. Dead people are only legally allowed to vote in Chicago and drive in Florida.

Gray Davis knocked Arnold Schwarzenegger Sunday for being unable to pronounce California. Democrats shouldn't make fun of someone's German accent. Poland ran a Hitler impersonator contest on the radio in 1939 and the winner got twenty years.

Maria Shriver asked Democrats to vote for her husband Arnold Schwarzenegger Monday. He's pro-choice, pro-gay rights and was a known womanizer. If Arnold was any more like a Kennedy he and Maria could only have been married in West Virginia.

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